Parenting: A Journey of Change

June 20, 2024 - 5:33pm - by Kelsey McDonald

Becoming a parent is an incredibly complex and life-altering experience. Try as we might to prepare, there is no class or reading that can equip us for the ever-changing, life-long commitment that is parenthood.

 The journey of parenthood alters our relationship with ourselves, and with those in our circles. And, with every stage of a child’s development, the skills required to navigate the journey change.  The arrival of second (and subsequent children) brings new experiences yet again; personality and temperament differences, and the changing the family dynamic require us to continue growing into our roles as parents.

In this post, we’ll explore the different stages of child development and the common challenges parents face along the way. So much personal growth is required in our roles, and because of this, it is not uncommon to seek professional support at different times throughout the parenting journey. Here we also explore some of the reasons a parent might seek counselling at each developmental stage.  This post is intended to be illustrative, and is certainly not exhaustive.

Infancy

Welcoming an infant home can be both joyful and terrifying.  Even if we did all the “right things” to prepare for the arrival of a new family member, this period is often accompanied by emotions of surprise, overwhelm, and confusion.  If there were complications with the delivery, this can bring feelings of fear and helplessness, particularly if extended medical care is needed. 

Common challenges for parents:       

·      Exhaustion/sleeplessness

·      Schedules/routines interrupted

·      Priorities shift

Parents might seek counselling support with:

·      Post-partum depression (PPD) or Post-partum anxiety (PPA)

·      Changes to sense of self

·      Changes to relationship with intimate partner

·      Setting boundaries as you establish this new family unit (example: with our own parents)

The Early Years

The period of time between toddlerhood and adolescence is comprised of distinct developmental changes.  Children begin to express themselves with language and with actions.  This is a time of developing social relationships with people outside of the family/household, such as in child care settings, school, and in community. This period often continues to feel overwhelming for parents, especially when schedules are very full and downtime is limited.

Common challenges for parents:       

·      Limit setting

·      Teaching emotional regulation

·      Finding time for ourselves

Parents might seek counselling support with:

·      Coping with overwhelm

·      Defining our parenting style

·      Addressing unresolved pain from our own childhood

Adolescence

This developmental stage brings different challenges for many parents.  Youth begin to explore their individuality, and their peer group takes on a larger role in daily life.  This is a time when youth are exploring their identity and considering pathways for the future. This period often comes with mixed emotions for parents; there can be relief in that the hands-on part of the role requires less of us, and at the same time, there can be a sense loss about not being needed in the same way.  For many parents, there is also trepidation about the risks involved with this time, especially when the young person is making choices we wish they wouldn’t.

Common challenges for parents:       

·      Navigating conflict with their teen

·      Feeling “in the dark”

·      Knowing when to step back vs. intervene

Parents might seek counselling support with:

·      Parenting a teen who is struggling (mental health, substance use, issues at school)

·      Accepting teen’s individuality

·      Navigating differences in parenting styles (between partners)

Emerging Adulthood

Named more recently, this developmental stage recognizes that becoming an adult is far more complex than reaching the legal age of majority. The period of Emerging Adulthood is a period of time wherein youth gradually complete the process of becoming independent from their family of origin; it generally spans from age 18 to approximately age 29.  In his book Staying Connected with Your Teen: Polyvagal Parenting Strategies to Reduce Reactivity, Set Limits, & Build Authentic Connection Yshai Boussi explains the biggest change from previous generations is this phase where youth “practice adulting” for several years.  He promotes an understanding that the world is different now, and that parental expectations of youth need to be adjusted accordingly.

Common challenges for parents:       

·      Rules for adult-children living “under my roof” (curfew, substance use, overnight guests)

·      Expectations for adult-children living “under my roof” (chores, rent, living expenses)

 Parents might seek counselling support with:

·      Parenting an adult-child who is “stuck” (not working or furthering their education)

·      Releasing responsibility for caretaking the adult-child

·      Coping with relationship changes one the “nest” is empty

The journey of parenthood is one of steady change, and one that has influence on all the circles of our lives.  Tied to these ongoing changes is the opportunity for us to continue our own personal growth. Many of the changes throughout the parenting journey are challenging; for these reasons many parents seek counselling support as they navigate the rich, complex, life-long experience that is parenthood.

If you are looking for support with your own parenting journey, this is one of my areas of expertise.  A complimentary consultation is a an opportunity to see if I might be a good fit for your needs; use my online scheduler to book yours today.

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